whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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