Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
