so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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