omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
