At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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