At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize