how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You are the jesus of drinking
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
