everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
