conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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