i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
