dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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