1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
