Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Of course I have a pirate flag
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
