Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
