It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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