just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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