I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
