Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
