That's intense
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
