A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I CAN MOONWALK!
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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