I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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