3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
