haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
