It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize