Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
