ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize