I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
