my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
third nipple confirmed
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
