So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
