well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
