highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
