Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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