his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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