oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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