I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize