hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
