so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
We talked him into tasing himself.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
