So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
