Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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