Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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