I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
