I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
