I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
