Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
