nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
