UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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