i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
