i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Also, beer. Big fan.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
