You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
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