Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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