Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize