im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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