you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
