I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
