There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize