so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
So here I am, sexting at work.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
