Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
