Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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