No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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