Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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