when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
