I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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