Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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