Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize