please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
