so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
