Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
