Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
