we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
