Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
